What to Do When You Miss?
Last week, we focused on how to build trust through clear and specific commitments with deadlines. When we keep such commitments we build trust with ourselves and with others. But what happens when we take a swing at building trust and we miss? Is there any way to create value and build trust even from broken commitments?
When approached with curiosity and non-judgement, my experience is that broken commitments are very valuable. When I’ve made commitments to myself, I’ve almost always grown more by analyzing my broken commitments than by celebrating ones that I’ve kept. I can learn from questions like:
“What was more important than keeping my word?”
“Is this sort of thing a pattern?”
“What are the costs of this pattern to me and to others?”
“Based on the result of not keeping my commitment, what assumptions might I have that led to this outcome?”
It has also been surprising how much trust can be built when we take ownership of our broken commitments. When I do the following I’ve found that my relationships have grown stronger as a result of my broken commitments:
Acknowledge the broken commitment and inform the affected parties.
In humility and with love and curiosity, explore the impact of the broken commitment on the affected party.
Ask forgiveness when there is any negative impact, even if it is small.
Propose a way to clean up any mess that I may have created and work together to find ways that this broken commitment can be used to build up the relationship.
This week, I invite you to examine:
How do I currently relate to when I have broken commitments? If there is a continuum between judging myself as a failure and approaching broken commitments with curiosity, where do I land? If there is a continuum between hiding from broken commitments and taking ownership, where do I land? Is there anything that I’d like to change about how I relate to broken commitments? When will I start practicing?
God bless,
Dan
