Invite Others to Pull You Up By Your Bootstraps

Often, we fall into the illusion that we can or should be able to “pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.” In fact, this is impossible. Doing so would defy the laws of physics; moreover, what is meant by the metaphor defies the laws of society and those of metaphysics. We are born dependent on others, and our very existence is a gift from our parents. As adults, we remain dependent on the complex web of relationships that provide for our needs. And even the most radical and self-sufficient individualist cannot cause his own being.  

So here’s a question: If our very nature is to be dependent, why are we so hesitant to ask for help? In my own experience and in working with my clients, I’ve seen this pattern again and again. We are very willing, even delighted to help people when they ask us, but we are reluctant or even downright scared to make requests of others. It’s as if we’re collectively embarrassed to acknowledge our own contingency, but very comfortable affirming it in others. 

This week, I invite you to shatter this asymmetry by engaging with the following questions: 

What would change for me if I weren’t bashful about my dependence? What would change if I stood firmly in the reality that I need the help of others for me to become who I’m meant to be? What bold requests would I make and of whom? Which request will I make today?

God bless,
Dan