Through the Father’s Eyes

Real feedback can be a powerful catalyst for growth. For example, a guitarist might perfect his technique by receiving feedback from a more experienced teacher. A stand-up comedian might improve his repertoire by observing how much laughter each of his jokes elicits from the audience. Spouses might grow in their relationship by inviting one another to freely share an area of improvement they see for the other. 

Of course, giving feedback is not always easy and receiving it can be difficult as well. One of my favorite ways to create feedback for a person without actually giving any myself is to ask, “What feedback do you have for yourself?” Suppose you just observed a colleague give a presentation. You can ask them, “What feedback do you have for yourself about your presentation? What went well? What do you think could have gone better?” Asking a person to give feedback to themselves is often easier than giving them feedback directly and usually the person will give very similar feedback to what you had in mind. 

Using our imagination, we can integrate the safety of self-given feedback with the power of receiving feedback from another. Suppose I am a Latin teacher and I’ve just taught a lesson. I might ask myself, “What feedback might a master teacher give me on my performance?” Putting on the perspective of an expert in our field can lead to a more accurate vision of our performance. When done well, this technique is effective because we place ourselves in the external frame of an objective observer. 

What happens when we push this technique to its absolute limit? A moment of grace that occurred while watching my beautiful little son, Francis, allowed me a glimpse of what seems to me the most powerful and real feedback possible. As I gazed at my baby, I was flooded with love for him. Simultaneously, I was overwhelmed by a thought too large to think: God the Father loves me more than I love my son. As beautiful and full as my love for Francis is, God’s love for me is infinitely more complete. Since this revelation, I’ve started to ask myself: What feedback might God have for me? How would I view myself if I were able to see myself through the loving eyes of the Father?  

This week, I invite you to practice holding space for feedback.

• What specific people in your life might benefit from being asked, “What feedback do you have for yourself?” 

• What specific area of your life would benefit from asking yourself, “What feedback might an expert in this area have for me?” 

• What would change for you if you learned to spend more time looking at yourself from the perspective of God’s love? 

God Bless,
Dan