How Arrogant of You
“Do you think other people are better than you?” This was the question executive coach Chris North asked a participant during a workshop for the Meta Performance Institute. The person being asked replied, “Yes.” Shocking all of us, Chris responded, “How arrogant of you.” He went on to explain that a necessary corollary of thinking other people are better than you is that you also think that you are better than other people. This mindset leads you to place yourself and others on a sliding scale of worse to better.
There are at least two problems with this way of thinking. One is that it occupies a ton of mental energy to always be wondering how you stack up against others. Another is that the concepts of “better” and “worse” are so abstract that they blur the details of a person’s true qualities. If we label people as better than us, we might avoid developing a relationship with them because we find them intimidating. If we label someone as worse than us, we might write them off and ignore their positive attributes.
At the close of this conversation, Chris asked, “What if we treated all people as amazing?” If we adopt this attitude, then we can explore what specific skills and talents each person has to offer, and we can also be open about their weaknesses. Rather than lumping all of a person’s aspects into one abstract judgment of better or worse, we are able to see them for who they truly are.
In a recent conversation with Fr. Sebastian Walshe, I also learned of two more problems with judging others. The first is that we cannot know how others stand in the eyes of God. Although Jesus frequently condemns particular bad actions, He also says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Here’s one possible interpretation of this: since we cannot know the final state of an individual’s soul, we ought to treat others as if they are destined for a higher place in heaven than we might be. And this brings us to the second problem.
We cannot know with absolute certainty the final state of our own souls either. We can hope for salvation, but we cannot presume it is ours. St. Joan of Arc, when asked whether or not she was in the state of grace, replied, “If I am, may God keep me there. If I am not, may He bring me there.”
This week I invite you to ask yourself:
How much mental energy do I spend comparing myself to others? What would change for me if I assumed and even hoped that everyone would be my superior in heaven?
God bless,
Dan