Giving Yourself Permission To…
“And when that happens, what do you give yourself permission to do?” I still find this question powerful, years after my first coach asked it of me. Below are two examples that illustrate how we interpret certain events as permission to do things.
Call me an old man, but I love shoe horns. If you haven’t used one before, you really should try the first chance you get. They make sliding into any shoe a nearly effortless experience. I am able to put on my snow boots without one, but a shoe horn makes it so much easier and even pleasant. This afternoon, I couldn’t find the shoe horn in its usual spot, and I felt a little irritated. I used this event to give myself permission to continue to just force my foot in even as the ankle area collapsed. In the long run, this practice will damage the boot. When I noticed what I was doing, I took the time to put on the second boot more carefully.
My soon to be one year old has started to walk. My wife and I are researching baby gates to keep our beautiful little daughter away from some steep stairs. It’s been somewhat of a challenge to figure out what gate will work with the old Victorian design of the space we’re in. Today, when she shared a potential snafu in installing a particular gate, I was hungry and felt like the process had been taking too long. I used these events to give myself permission to be somewhat short and moody in our conversation. When I noticed this, I asked her forgiveness, and she graciously welcomed me back into harmony.
In the above two examples, I was able to notice that I was giving myself permission to act in ways that are out of integrity with who I want to be. This doesn’t always happen. There are plenty of times where my reaction runs on auto-pilot, and I don’t even notice that I’m giving myself permission to act out. Asking the “Permission Question” helps me to slow down and take ownership.
This week, I invite you to think deeply about the following:
In what ways do I give myself permission to do things that are out of integrity with the kind of person I’d like to be? When I am frustrated, what do I give myself permission to do? When I am scared? When I am successful? When I break commitments to others? When I break commitments to myself?
God bless,
Dan
